Astronomers Discover Shiny New Star In LA Galaxy

Why would David Beckham, possibly the world’s most famous football player sign with the LA Galaxy, an okay-at-best team in a mediocre league?
I can give you 250 million reasons why.
Other than his record-breaking five-year, $250 million deal, Beckham and his beautiful wife Victoria are a perfect fit for LA, considering his star status (oh the irony, a star playing for the Galaxy) and his gobs and gobs (and now 250 million more gobs) of money.
But what does this mean for the Galaxy organization? I’ve come up with a list of several things this means for them.
For one, the addition of Beckham to the roster probably means that the team’s female fan base has just quadrupled. This probably means that the owners of the Galaxy’s stadium, the Home Depot Center, will have to double the number of women’s restrooms.
It also means that since Beckham’s wife will probably be attending multiple games and therefore may appear on the stadium’s big screen, possibly doubling the team’s male fan base.
The players also must to brace themselves for the attacks of the English press, who will undoubtedly be jumping at every opportunity to expose the team for what it really is: mediocre.
Perhaps the biggest thing the Galaxy has to prepare for, is the date that Beckham retires, and people resume not caring about football in Los Angeles. The Galaxy must take a lesson from the former North American Soccer Association, who experienced a jolt in popularity in the late 1970s due to the hiring of football legend Pele, along with other stars from around the world.
Pele played for the New York Cosmos, ironically another astronomically talented player playing for a team with an astronomy-related name. Although the Cosmos, and the rest of the league did enjoy temporary popularity which rivaled the other New York (American) football teams, they league folded in 1984, almost immediately after Pele and co. retired.
One also needs to wonder where in the world the Galaxy came up with $250 million. Beckham’s ginormous salary is equal to 25 times what the rest of the team is making...combined.
Here, the Galaxy should look to the Cosmos for advice. Before hiring Pele, the Cosmos played on a field which was more dirt than grass. Actually, they spray painted the field green for Pele’s arrival to try and make him think he was playing on grass. Somehow the Cosmos found enough money to pay Pele, so maybe the Galaxy can find an extra 250 million laying around.
What does this mean for the quality of play the Galaxy will put on the pitch (American translation: field)? It means that their right attacking midfielder (if that’s where Beckham will play in LA) will be amazing, and the rest of the team will continue to be, well, the LA Galaxy. We can probably expect to see an increase in scoring, due to Beckham bending inch perfect crosses like, well, Beckham.
In addition, we may see an increase in diving by the Galaxy players, since their shiny new toy that is David Beckham is so precise on free kicks. We should also be prepared to see corner kicks as they were meant to be taken.
So far, it seems like the Galaxy will benefit from Beckham, but will probably fall to the ground hard when he retires. But my biggest hope as a fan of the Galaxy is that I never have to hear the reunion tour of Beckham’s wife’s group the, Spice Girls, singing the national anthem. Not because they aren’t American, but because hey—who really wants to hear the Spice Girls?


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